Emotional Injuries - Fixing something you cannot see....?

To live or not to live..?  This question’s been coming up a lot lately.  Why is this feeling coming back?  A while ago, my life was crushed - on the inside, and I was left as dead, emotionless, and numb, like a zombie.  A life shattering event, fixing the devastation moves from months to years to heal and fix.   

Since this very dark day a very long time ago, I’ve been slowly healing – inside.  It is more difficult than one would think. Get up, get going, and move on. My life lay on the floor. I cannot see it, cannot feel it, and cannot touch it.  How is it possible? Why does it take so long to heal?  

Emotions and emotional healing – It’s an intangible part of the body. One cannot point to it and put a band-aide around it. The extent of damage cannot be determined either.  Reasons such as these are why it’s a difficult injury. 

I will take a pure physical and tangible illness or damage over emotional damage any day. An intangible ‘item’ is damaged - how to measure the progress, the prognosis, the level of injury. There is no comparison chart or rehabilitation schedule. Everyone is different and unique. 

One thing I do know – friends, true friends, help the healing processes immensely.  Friends, support, love, caring, affection, sharing and human interaction – this is the medicine needed for emotional injuries.

Yes, overall, much healing occurred since the trauma.  Triggers affect this misunderstood injury.  There are setbacks.  Each setback makes me re-evaluate this real question addressed here.  What is next?   

Learning, Turning, and Going North

How to conclude what direction you're heading?  The answer is difficult and easy at the same time.  This doesn't sound right, does it? Plus it's actually contradictory. The answer lay right in front of me.  It was just a matter of taking recent events and contrasting with past events.  Easy, huh? 

Stepping back to look at recent events, feelings are short in duration. A broken bone, torn tendon, emotional reaction, irritation, anger, happiness are mostly short-lived events.   The associated feelings may not last very long.   These are typical day-to-day ups and downs.  It happens to everyone.  Sometimes when they cluster together and happen rapidly, it can result in increased pain and depression. 

The last few weeks have not been good in terms of happiness.  But I realize the sadness, disappointment, hurt feelings, pain associated with these current events are dwarfed in comparison the overall emotion and long-term direction that life is heading.  I see and feel positive and optimistic resulting from the passage of time, healing of pain, overcoming loss.  The real devastation took place outside the scope of a short term daily event.  The ups and downs of everyday life must be recognized and categorized properly to continue building and healing life. 

I am blessed with a friend that has inspired and motivated me for many months now.  I cannot forget the progress in my life.  Most of it attributable to one person.  If it were not for her, I would not be writing this now.  And yes, she has made an impression upon me - one that will never leave my mind, heart and soul. Yes, I'm still in awe and have so much admiration, respect and gratitude.  I've learned more from her than any other source.  Including the will to live.  I owe this person my life.  And yes, I would give my life for her.  

Great friends are forever and unconditional.  They are rare and you want to keep those friends.  To continue on the path of recovery and the ability to live life at the fullest, only the original devastation need be worked through.  Friends are key.

Very ironic that my thoughts of continued depression, physical pain, and emotional pain, made me realize that I'm turning the corner and heading North, a positive direction. Learning is a lifetime process that will allow continued growth.  I'm also so very lucky to have a friend that understands and provides insight and meaning to my life again.