Difficulty sleeping nearly every night. Pain is everywhere, physically and emotionally. The physical damage and pain is easy to see and to understand. The worst pain, is the emotional pain. Recovering from a devastating, nightmare-ish life event.
Falling Down... or Rising Up.... Which way am I going? Which way are you going? We all have ups and downs. The theme of this post is greater than everyday events we encounter. Looking at the big picture of life itself, and lifetime decisions. Falling Down or Rising Up? I used to know the answer. It was very simple - I rise up, improve myself everyday, learn, grow, live, share events, emotions, feelings, learn, and become a better person each day.
The answer, in reality, is difficult. This is amid a backdrop of a major catastrophic life event, causing severe emotional pain, along with physical and mental symptoms. My life changed drastically. And not in a good way. On track for a good, happy life, suddenly comes an abrupt halt.
The answer, in reality, is difficult. This is amid a backdrop of a major catastrophic life event, causing severe emotional pain, along with physical and mental symptoms. My life changed drastically. And not in a good way. On track for a good, happy life, suddenly comes an abrupt halt.
From time to time, emotional wounds, as well as physical wounds, manifests itself from events or processes that bring us back to the original point of injury. The response for many current events are similar in nature to past depressing events. When processing new or recent events, it’s natural to react in a similar manner. Sounds logical...
I'm experiencing a form of that pain and depression from current events. Most recognizable are the negative or hurtful actions, or words, or events. It's just easier to feel the 'hurt'. Possibly due to a heightened level of sensitivity, of which I've become accustomed. Resulting physical injuries from an accident contributes to pain in a similar manner.
Recently, I was on the receiving end of criticism after expressing positive feelings, praise and admiration. This interaction was just a typical daily activity that we all face. It had a negative impact, because the positive complement resulted in a negative reaction. I bring this up because it becomes difficult for both parties to say what they feel without judgment, whether positive or negative. The 'wound' in my heart opens.
Another ‘trigger’ of pain was experiencing a person's expression of irritation, anger, pent-up frustration, and stress that was 'let loose'. Her mis-understanding or mis-interpretation of a word, phrase, or something triggered her to lash-out. Although, it was not her fault, it was not my fault. It was probably a bad day. The small daily events are magnified due to past experiences, and a somewhat fragile depressive state, still healing. And of course, I am a man - I cannot show emotion or feelings, right? It is not that easy hiding feelings anymore!
Living life to its fullest. Can it be accomplished with physical and emotional pain? Maybe? It’s possible. Especially when it’s shared with someone, or with friends. It’s easy to become physically and mentally exhausted. Can I put up with it? Should I put up with it? I don't know the answers. I want to be done with it, I know.
Living life to its fullest. Can it be accomplished with physical and emotional pain? Maybe? It’s possible. Especially when it’s shared with someone, or with friends. It’s easy to become physically and mentally exhausted. Can I put up with it? Should I put up with it? I don't know the answers. I want to be done with it, I know.
Quite possibly it could be fixed and sewn up in no time - with a good woman to share lives, events, and happiness. Yes, I'm ready to be done with it, one way or another. Knowing, understanding, and keeping true and genuine friends are key. Friends are important and I try to give, help, and support those friends, it comes naturally. I'm happy when they are happy. Sad when they are sad. Great friends - they are rare and are valued much.
Thoughts racing through my head. Working to organize them into an orderly fashion. Maybe, just maybe - this post may allow me to file some things away. Maybe the answer to the questions of "Falling Down?" or "Rising Up?" are not directional. Could they be absolutes???
